


My Relationship Status

by TitiSquish



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Cute, Fluff, M/M, Pre-Relationship, awkward everything, john youre so awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-11 20:10:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/802733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TitiSquish/pseuds/TitiSquish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Awkward phone calls<br/>Praying the gay away<br/>My Relationship Status</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Relationship Status

**Author's Note:**

> This entire thing was actually spawned by a hand I got in Cards Against Humanity, the single best card game I have ever played.

”Since all of you have been insisting on leaving me an assload of messages, I implore you all to hang up right about now. I realize I’m the coolest shit since cubed ice, but cut me some slack and proceed only if you honestly think I’ll give a shit about what you have to say. Which is pretty unlikely. Don't leave a message after the beep.”

John fidgeted with the trademark Ghostbusters bobble-head pen he kept next to his computer. A small beep sounded, but he kept silent. Some thirty seconds later came another beep. The true beep, and not a sham like the one previous. He was actually supposed to talk now.

But what would he say. Too much time had passed before he could think of something, so John cleared his throat to buy some time. Damn, what was the number to dial if you want to re-record a message? Hell if he knew.

”Hey, uh, Dave. It’s John again. Uh… I have the rest of that Biology homework done if you need a reference. There’s a lot though, I don’t know if you were actually paying attention, but it was the chapter 9 test on page…. page…. fuck, sorry man, I forgot. Well, anyways, I had thought it might be a good idea to-.” He cleared his throat again, “To meet up or something. I could explain a few things in person so you might do well on the in-class test, you know? I’d hate to see a fellow student fail.” He chuckled into the phone and immediately noticed how fake it sounded.

”Ah- This message is getting pretty long so I’ll just go now. Call me back soon, please. My number is- Hold on, you already have it, right? I…. Guess it doesn't matter since you can always just return the call. Good- uh... Later, then.”

He hit the hang up button before he could embarrass himself further. Or, he had meant to, but he ended up hitting the ‘2’ and ‘3’ buttons which resulted in loud dialing tones. With a small curse he jabbed the big home button, which ended the call with another tone. A few seconds passed before he released a sigh he hadn't known he was holding.

His phone was tossed onto the desk before him with a clatter. Immediately, his hand went raking through his hair. Good going, Egbert. You have successfully managed to make yourself out to be the biggest dweeb David Strider could have possibly happened to associate with. If that guy was going to remember you for anything, it would be for that phone call. That message. Those two dragged-out minutes of continuous awkward mumbling.

Every year for the past three years, John had shared at least one to two classes with the renowned blonde douche bag. He had constructed his own opinion of Dave, but he could also understand why he had such a terrible reputation. The most prominent thing that came to mind was that even though they had been in so many classes together, Dave had only first realized that John existed about five weeks ago. At any rate, wearing sunglasses what seemed like 24/7 and not giving a shit about anyone who questioned it wasn't exactly gentlemanly. Even though Dave outwardly displayed some weird kind of alpha dog complex, John had noticed a few little things. 

Things like how Dave always sat by the window. Or, at least, he did when he could. He noticed how Dave talks a lot but it always seems like he was mostly talking to himself. How there had seemed to be something a bit sad about the way Dave walked. Hunched shoulders, but his head held high. John remembered the year they had been in the same P.E. period. Dave was in a different class, but they still had to share a locker room. Every day Dave walked past John’s locker toward the shower in just his undershirt, gym shorts, and a towel around his shoulders. Every day John noticed how thin he looked and, every once in a while, a fresh batch of bruises would appear. Over time John had simply grown to be sympathetic towards him, no matter how much he smoked behind the gym after class or talked back to the teachers that honestly didn't deserve it.

At some point the year before, John had started to theorize what might be going on in the stoic pricks home life to trigger such behavior. Many times he would question himself why he even cared. A question he couldn't exactly answer; also not something he felt like he could speak to anyone about. His friends unanimously loathed Dave Strider for one reason or another, which sealed the deal on him keeping his mouth shut about his concerns. Aside from that, he only knew so many facts. The rest was all just a kind of an educated guess hypothesized in the lulls during class. 

Maybe Dave was taking care of himself and somebody else. Perhaps his parents were alcoholic deadbeats and left him with three smaller siblings to provide for. That would certainly explain the bruises and the absences. But…. John had never seen him with any mini-Dave's hanging about or even heard him talk about siblings at all. Yet again, he ran into the ever present issue of ever only having a handful of conversations with him about schoolwork. Still, even with such limited contact, John had gotten the feeling that Dave would be an interesting guy to get to know. He found himself biting back off-subject questions about Dave’s personal life when he actually was talking to him.

John puzzled himself as to why he would want to know what the strangers favorite anything was. Once, he had implored where Dave preferred to eat out when he did. He had been greeted with a quirked eyebrow and a pointed continuation of the subject at hand. His stomach flipped as he thought about the times he had embarrassed himself in front of the self proclaimed cool kid.

 

John stood up. This was ridiculous.This needed to come to a grinding halt. There was only so much you can think about another guy while it still being healthy. It was about time he refilled his water glass anyway. 

The hardwood floors made soft thumps as he hopped down the stairs, empty glass in hand. His socks slid as he rounded the turn at the bottom of the stairs and made for the kitchen. He took a moment to appreciate that his dad was away for a few days… Doing fatherly… Business man things... Fuck if you knew what that man was doing, you just knew you had the house to yourself for three days.

As John approached the refrigerator, he admired a picture of himself and his Internet pal Jade. A smile sort of formed as he thought about when she had come overseas to see him. Well, maybe not to see him specifically, but they had both agreed that his house was a fantastic place for her to stay during ‘Convention Week’. She had explained the event to be when two of her favorite conventions happened one right after another. Both of them had also been within easy driving distance of his house.

He opened the fridge, grabbed a pitcher of filtered water, and poured it straight into his glass. Jade's two interests seemed to really clash when he thought about it. She had taken a plane to see a modern science convention, then the following week she attended a Fur convention. Furries, which were scientifically improbable to biologically construct. The thought of people walking around in giant fur suits kind of disturbed him, but more than anything he wanted to laugh. 

And then John had laughed. When Jade began rambling off about them, he just didn't have the self control to keep a straight face. The whole idea of Furries was completely absurd. He had promptly received a solid punch to the arm that he to this day remembered very well. The sweltering bruise that had resulted was worth documenting. It had gone through every color a bruise could possibly cycle through.

The mental image of his own discolored arm shining back at him from his bathroom mirror slowly faded into the ugly patterns peppered across Dave’s rib cage. He chewed his tongue. Maybe Dave just got into a lot of fights. He seemed aggressive enough. A picture of Dave hunched down low into an aggressive brawling stance popped into mind. His pale face painted blotchy and red with smeared blood from a cut lip and his near perfect hair messy with sweat. The image sent a chill down his spine and his knuckles turned white against the glass. 

 

Okay, John, that’s enough. He grumbled to himself as he sat back down at his computer and set the water on his desk. He glanced at his phone which lay face up and propped against his history textbook. The screen was blank and no lights flashed. No one had called while he had gone to get his water. 

Suddenly a thought came to mind. A bitter memory of one of his friends complaining about having too much contact with her boyfriend. She had come to him complaining about how she couldn't find a moments peace. When she showed him a few of his messages, he couldn't help but find her lucky to have such a sweet guy. He knew that he couldn't bring himself to say some of the things her boyfriend had said. Perhaps that’s why John was and remained painfully single. There was also the nagging fact that he had never actually had a crush on anyone.

The cellphone gave a loud buzz and caused John's hand to twitch as he grabbed for it. He opened the screen and saw a text from Rose. His face fell a bit as he typed her a quick reply and set the phone down again. 

He tried to think of people in school he could possibly try for. Anyone that sparked an interest in him. Certainly not Jade. She didn't even live close to him, and on top of that he wasn't sure how romantic he could be with her, even if she was local. Rose might be a possibility but… He was pretty sure she had a thing for a tall, pretty girl in her Home Ec. class, and he wasn't too sure how he felt about that.

Another buzz indicated a new text. His hand jumped for it again, and he opened the phone to find yet another text from Rose. It was somehow disappointing, even though he had expected it. 

There was a girl in his biology class that was kind of cute. She sat next to Dave a few seats away from him. They talked a lot, but he wasn't quite sure what about. He admired her hair, though, as from his angle that’s mostly what he saw of her. She always tilted her head to talk to Dave, who hardly responded. He would talk, but he wouldn't even smile or… Or anything. Maybe she was extremely dull. A pretty face, or more, pretty head of hair wasn't worth much if they were dull as a five-year-old’s used crayons.

He couldn't help but notice that Dave was anything but dull. Yeah, the guy slacked off like none other, but John got the impression that it wasn't because he was stupid. Again, an interest in Dave's home life came to light. God damn, he really needed to just be quiet about this whole Dave issue. John kicked the floor, purposefully sending his swiveling desk chair into needless circles. What was getting to him wasn't how he could probably relate anything back to Dave, but just how often he did it. It made him uncomfortable to be so enthusiastic about this. Similar to when he liked a movie that everyone else said was shit. Still, that happened enough that he wasn't sure if there was enough of a connection to relate the two distant subjects.

 

His phone buzzed. John sat still as his chair careened on in its circular path. There was a thought at the back of his mind that he refused to address. He stared at the blurred ceiling in an attempt to distract himself. So steer his mind away from the pit in his stomach.

His phone buzzed again. Jeez had Rose written him a novel? He guessed it wouldn't be too far out of the question, seeing as that girl certainly liked to explain things. Maybe he should ask her about what was happening with him. He felt like this situation was getting out of hand. For one, he was infatuated.  
Crap, that sounded like he was admitting something. 

The phone buzzed a third time as his chair began to really lose momentum. With a sigh, John let his foot fall to the floor with a hard thud. The chair immediately came to a jarring halt that sent his head spinning with nausea. Clutching his stomach, John groaned and leaned to the side. He waited a few minutes before opening his eyes and reaching for the phone. The screen alerted him to one Text and two missed calls. Just as he unlocked his phone, the setting lit up and changed. There was a phone call from Dave.

John felt his chest convulse (he was vaguely aware that the correct phrase would be “his heart skipped”) and he swallowed a lump in his throat as he pushed the answer button.

“Hello?” Thank god, his voice didn't crack.

“Yo dude, try answering your phone faster. You might find people will start talking to you once you acknowledge they exist.”

 

“Hah. Funny you should say that. Did-” his voice caught and his words turned into a grunt as he cleared his throat. “Did you get my message?”

“Good lord did I. You did listen to my voice mail receiver, right?” Dave sounded like he was extremely bored. John bit the inside of his cheek before answering.

“Yeah… I figured you might want to hear-“

“That’s what texting is for bro.”

No response came to Johns mind. Texting, of course. Dave had indeed made it clear that he did not enjoy messages. 

Unexpectedly, the sound of Dave’s muffled laughter came from the other end of the line.

“Dude, chill, its fine. No one ever leaves me messages anymore, its no biggie. Just text next time you need something.”

“Ah- Ok, then-"

 

“When do you want to hook up?”

John blinked.

“What?”

“I said when do you want to hook up. For biology. You know, the entire point of that god awful voice mail you left me.”

“Oh Right! Er... How about this Saturday?”

 

“Saturday… Eh. I guess that’s cool. Your place or mine?”

“Mine. I have a lot of room so…”

“I was gonna suggest that anyway. Text me your address and I’ll drop by Saturday. Anyway, I gotta dash. Later.”

“Bye.”

John glanced around his room. Saturday night was the last night he had to himself and he’d be spending it studying. With Dave. Which didn't sound so bad when he thought about it. What sounded terrible was spending all the rest of the day cleaning and getting ready for it.

 

God, who were you kidding. You were thrilled to have him coming over. You cringed to admit that it felt like step one towards something else. John Not-A-Homosexual Egbert was really starting to sound a bit homosexual.


End file.
